The Great Saiyaman Breakup
by Professor Snaglefoompus
Summary: Upset about being Saiyaman 2, Videl breaks up with Gohan. He is then forced to enlist the help of Erasa and Sharpener to get her back. Written for SweetestIrony's Gohan/Videl Week 3.0.
1. The Breakup

Author's Note: So, this is a story for SweetestIrony's Gohan/Videl Week 3.0. The starter sentence for today was "With the planet in jeopardy one again...".

* * *

**The Great Saiyaman Breakup**

With the planet in jeopardy once again, it was time for the Special Saiyaman Spin Attack!

"The Great Saiayaman!" Gohan shouted, throwing his hands in the air and getting down on one knee.

"And Saiyaman 2!" Videl shouted, standing on her left foot and bending over so the antenna of her helmet touched the antenna of Gohan's helmet. It was a pose that required delicate positioning, and...

_Smash!_

Losing her balance, Videl crashed into Gohan and the two of them went tumbling to the ground in a heap.

"Videl!" Gohan protested. "You screwed up the pose!"

"Well, _you_ were too far away!" Videl said.

"I was not!" Gohan said. "The Great Saiyaman never messes up his cool poses! It's part of being a superhero!"

"Rrrrrr! It's not a cool pose! It's _stupid!_"

Gohan gasped. Videl thought one of his poses was stupid?

Meanwhile, the criminal mastermind that Videl and Gohan were _supposed_ to stop had finished uploading his deadly computer virus to the Internet Headquarters, crashing 90% of the websites around the world in under five minutes.

"Ha ha ha!" the evil genius cried. "You weren't able to stop me, Saiya-losers! With the Internet destroyed, I will be able to—"

"You're crazy!" Gohan said. "That helmet looks _great_ on me!"

"And what kind of name for a superhero is Saiyaman 2?" Videl asked. "That's the stupidest, most uncreative—"

"It's the greatest superhero name ever!"

"No, it's the _dumbest—!"_

The criminal mastermind could see that no one was paying attention to him, so he decided to leave. It was the easiest escape from the law that a supervillain had ever committed.

Meanwhile, the Great Saiyaman Fight was getting worse.

"Why is it that _you_ get to decide everything?!"

"That's not true! We're supposed to be a _team!_ It's not _my_ fault that you're not a team player!"

"Fine! _I quit!!!_" Videl shouted, ripping off her helmet and throwing it to the ground. "I never liked being Saiyaman 2 anyway! Things were better back when I fought crime alone!"

"Fine! I don't need you!" Gohan shouted. "The Great Saiyaman doesn't need a partner! He's good enough on his own!"

Videl roared in anger. Her energy was rising so high that, for a second, Gohan could have sworn he saw a flicker of yellow in her hair.

"FINE!" Videl said. "Do what you want! I don't care!"

She ripped the door off its hinges and stormed out of the room.

"And by the way..._I'm breaking up with you!_" Videl shouted at Gohan, as an afterthought.

* * *

At the Son house that night, things were chaotic.

"My previous baby!" Chi-Chi cried. "The true love of his life has cruelly abandoned him!"

"Does this mean Videl isn't going to come over to play anymore?" Goten asked.

"Hey, Chi-Chi, do you think you could heat up these mashed potatoes?" Goku asked. "They're a little cold."

"_Heat them up yourself, Goku!_" Chi-Chi snapped. "Can't you see our son is going through a major crisis?"

"I'm fine," Gohan lied. "There's nothing to worry about."

"Oh my poor, precious baby!" Chi-Chi cried.

* * *

The mood was a lot more cheerful at Videl's house.

"Good for you, Videl!" Hercule said, patting his daughter on the back when he heard the news. "I never liked that little punk anyway!"

"Thanks, Dad," Videl said. "Ever since I first met Saiyaman, I knew I didn't like him."

"Yeah! Just because he saved your life a couple times doesn't make him any less of a wimp!" Hercule said proudly. "I told you all along that dating boys is nothing but trouble! You should have listened to your old man! Why, _I've_ never gone on a date in my life!"

"What about you and mom?" Videl asked. "Are you saying you two got married before going out with each other?"

"Uh...well, you see...me and you mom...those weren't exactly _dates_, you see, they were more like..."

"Cool!" Videl said. "So I can get married to someone right now!"

"VIDEL!!! I FORBID IT!!! YOU ARE NOT GETTING MARRIED WITHOUT—!"

It took Hercule a few moments to realize his daughter was joking.

* * *

"You broke up with Gohan?" Erasa gasped.

"Uh huh!" Videl said. "Finally, that bossy, know-it-all is out of my life!"

"But you two made such a cute couple!" Erasa said. "You've been going out for, like, a year now! Plus, you fight crime together!"

"Not anymore," Videl said. "From now on, this girl is flying solo!"

"If anyone can do it, it's you," Erasa agreed. She always said that Videl was the strongest, most confident girl she knew. "How does Gohan feel about the breakup?"

"I don't know, and I don't care," Videl said.

Erasa was concerned about Gohan becoming single again—and not just because she secretly thought he was cute, but because she was his friend—so when he came into the classroom looking really sad, she got worried.

"Gohan looks really bummed," she said.

Videl didn't say anything. She just looked intently at her book, instead of looking at Gohan.

Gohan took his seat next to Videl. "Videl, look, about yesterday..." he said. "I think we need to talk..."

"No," Videl said.

"We were both really upset, and I apologize for—"

"Can it, Gohan," Videl said.

"Please! If you don't listen to me, how will you know—?"

"Stop bugging me, or I'll ask the teacher to move you somewhere else," Videl said.

* * *

Erasa and Sharpener left the classroom together.

"Poor Gohan..." Erasa said. "He seems really upset."

"Personally, I think it's great!" Sharpener said. "Now that Videl has finally dumped nerd boy, she's free to go out with me!"

"But Gohan is our friend!" Erasa said. "We have to help him somehow!"

"Well, okay," Sharpener said.

He thought about it for a moment.

"I've got it!" Sharpener said. "Since he doesn't have a girlfriend anymore, why don't _you_ go out with him?"

"_Me?_"

"You know, help him find a new girlfriend! Build up his self-confidence!" Sharpener said.

"Aha!" Erasa said. "That means we have to get Gohan and Videl back together!"

"Wait, what?"

"That's going to be tough, but I think we can do it!" Erasa said.

"_What?_" Sharpened asked. "That's the complete opposite of what I said!"

"Of course!" Erasa said. "You're wrong about everything, so whenever someone asks your advice, she should do the exact opposite of what you say. It's the Sharpener Principle!"

"You're crazy!" Sharpener said. "I'm never wrong about anything!"

"See?" Erasa said. "You're wrong about that."

"No, I'm not! You're making things up!"

"You're wrong about that, too! See, I proved it!"

"ARRRGH!"

* * *

So Erasa walked to Gohan's locker to talk to him, because both of them had third period off. When she got close enough, she saw he was crying.

"Gohan!" Erasa said. "What's wrong?"

"N-nothing," Gohan said.

"It's Videl, isn't it?" Erasa asked. "I heard you two broke up."

Gohan nodded. "I-I-I miss her, and I'm really sorry about what happened, but she won't even listen to me! What can I do?"

"Don't worry, Gohan," Erasa said. "I'm a genius at this relationship stuff. I can help you get back together with her."

* * *

**Author's Note:** So Erasa has agreed to help Gohan get Videl back! And I guess Sharpener is a reluctant helper. Will this be good news or bad news for our hero?


	2. Erasa and Sharpener Try to Help

"Step #1 to getting any girl is to make her jealous," Erasa said.

"Jealous? How?"

"We trick her into thinking you have a new, prettier girlfriend," Erasa said.

"...Won't that make her think that I don't want to get back together with her?" Gohan asked.

"Trust me!" Erasa said. "When a girl sees her boyfriend with someone else, she gets crazy mad! There's no way Videl could ignore that!"

"But where can I find a fake girlfriend?" Gohan asked.

"Maybe there's a really cute girl nearby that can help," Erasa said.

"?" Gohan asked.

Erasa fluttered her eyelashes at Gohan.

Gohan scratched his head.

"_Me!_" Erasa said.

"Oh!" Gohan said. "You can be my fake girlfriend?"

"Sure!"

* * *

"Okay, Videl always goes out through this hallway when she's finished with third period," Erasa said.

"Right," Gohan said. "So when class is over, she'll see us together here for sure."

"Right," Erasa said. "And she's going to totally freak when she sees her boyfriend making out with her best friend."

"Making out?" Gohan asked. "What are we going to be making?"

Erasa fell over.

"Never mind, Gohan," she said. "Just follow my lead."

Erasa grinned. She always wondered what kind of a kisser Gohan was.

* * *

On her way out of the science classroom, Videl heard a commotion coming from the hallway outside.

"NO! ERASA! STOP THAT!" Gohan was shrieking. "THAT'S NOT RIGHT!"

"Gohan! You have to—!"

Gohan emitted a high-pitched squeal.

Videl rolled her eyes. It sounded like Erasa and Gohan were up to something. Videl wisely decided to take the long route to her locker.

* * *

Gohan and Erasa ended up getting detention for causing a disturbance.

"That was the worst idea ever!" Gohan said during lunch, mad at her.

"How was I supposed to know you never kissed a girl before?" Erasa responded, just as mad.

"I've kissed a girl before!"

"She means _besides_ your mom, Gohan," Sharpener said.

"Oh...well...Videl and I might have...once or twice..._that's none of your business!_" Gohan snapped.

"Don't worry," Sharpener said. "Unlike Erasa, I know the way to win Videl's heart."

"Is that why she always refuses to go out with you?" Erasa asked.

Sharpener ignored her. "Videl likes strong, athletic guys," he said. "You're a bookworm, so you have to show off how strong you are."

"She knows I'm pretty strong," Gohan said. "I was in the World's Martial Arts Tournament, you know."

"Yeah, but you lost in the first round," Sharpener said. "You looked like a total wimp!"

"I was attacked by two guys at one!" Gohan defended himself.

"And they took you down in no time flat," Sharpener said. "You have to make up for that...like _this!_"

Sharpener picked up a large rock and held it over his head. "Hey! Cindy! Look what I can do!"

"Wow, you're strong, Sharpener!" one of the girls called.

"See, now you try," Sharpener said. "You might want to try something a bit easier, though."

"Something easy..." Gohan said.

He grabbed a nearby tree and pulled it out of the ground.

"Hey, Videl! Look what I can do!" he said.

Sharpener fell down, as did half the people watching.

"I don't care, Gohan!" Videl called from the other side of the schoolyard.

"Son Gohan!" shouted the teacher on yard duty. "What on Earth do you think you're doing?"

"Showing off how strong I am?" Gohan guessed.

"That tree is school property!" the yard duty said. "That's a detention for you!"

"Huh? But I already have detention today..."

"A troublemaker, huh? Fine! Detention for the rest of the week!"

"Oh no!" Gohan said. "My mom is going to kill me!"

"You should have thought about that before you started destroying trees," the yard duty said. "Next time, respect the environment, Mister."

* * *

**Author's Note: **You heard the yard duty, folks! Be more environmentally conscientious!


	3. Reunion

**Author's Note:** I was hoping to put in more of the misadventures Gohan has with Erasa and Sharpener's advice, but I don't have enough time because of the deadline. Oh well.

* * *

_Two days later..._

"Great, I got _another_ detention," Gohan said. "At this rate, I'll be stuck after school for the rest of my life!"

"Okay, so Plan #19 didn't work out like we hoped," Erasa said. "But that just means Plan #20 will work for sure!"

So far, Gohan had just gotten detention for accidentally setting his hair on fire (Sharpener's idea gone wrong), unruly banjo playing (Erasa's idea gone wrong) and bringing a crazed dinosaur into school (Sharpener _and_ Erasa's idea gone wrong). Despite these mishaps (and more), Videl still didn't pay Gohan any attention.

"I'm beginning to think I should fire you two as my matchmakers," Gohan said. "Let's face it; there's no way I can get Videl to come back to me. She's the most awesome girl ever, and I had to ruin everything between us. I'm such an idiot!"

"You are _not_ an idiot!" Erasa assured Gohan. "I'm _sure_ Videl will accept you back! You just need to find some way to make her listen to you!"

"Besides, dude, we're your friends," Sharpener said. "Who else is gonna help you out?"

Gohan went through a mental list of his non-school friends. He couldn't ask Bulma, because she would tell Chi-Chi. Vegeta would probably refuse to talk about it. Krillin would probably laugh at him. Master Roshi...Gohan shuddered to think of what kind of advice Master Roshi would give.

"Fine," Gohan said. "What's your next plan? Kidnapping Videl and forcing her to talk to me?"

"Hmmm," Sharpener said. "That could work."

"Yeah, the next plan involved making a giant heart out of taffy, but that's not a bad idea."

"What? No!" Gohan said. "I don't really want to kidnap Videl!"

"Read you loud and clear, Gohan, old buddy," Sharpener said, giving Gohan a thumbs-up. "_We'll_ do it!"

"Yeah, that way you can come in and save her! It's so romantic!" Erasa said.

Gohan fell over.

* * *

As Videl was leaving school, she felt somebody put something against her back.

"All right, Videl! Put your hands up!"

"Sharpener, what are you doing?"

"I'm not Sharpener! I'm an evil kidnapper, and I have a gun!"

"That's a remote control, you doofus. Leave me alone."

Erasa joined in. She had prepared by watching an old gangster movie, where the criminals said "see" a lot.

"See, you're coming with us, see? This is a kidnapping, see? See?"

"Not you, too, Erasa," Videl complained.

"Not me, see? I'm not Erasa, see? See? I'm a see—um, kidnapper. See? Ooo, this is so much fun!"

"Your accent doesn't sound scary enough," Sharpener said. "We need to frighten her."

"You mean like..._one peep outta you, and we'll blow you to smithereens, see!!!_"

"Yeah, that's great! It's really scary!"

"Your kidnapper voice is great, too!"

"Thanks! We make a great team!"

Videl, meanwhile had walked away, annoyed at her friends for being weird.

"Oh no! She got away, see?"

"Hurry up!" Sharpener said. The two of them ran to catch up to Videl.

"Hey, no escaping! Haven't you ever been kidnapped before?"

"Let me think..._no_. Especially not by my two stupid friends."

"We're not your friends!"

"See?"

"We're evil kidnappers!"

"What on Earth is wrong with you—?"

"Stop right there, evil kidnappers!" a heroic voice called out.

Gohan walked up to Videl, trying to look as brave as he could in the face of evil kidnappers.

"You can't kidnap my girlfriend!" he said.

"Oh, man, is _this_ what this is all about? This is just some weird plan to get us back together?"

"Yeah!" Erasa said. "He saves you from kidnappers! Isn't that romantic?"

"Erasa," Sharpener hissed. "You're breaking character!"

"Oh, yeah. I mean, isn't that romantic, see?"

"Better," Sharpener said.

"Look, Gohan, I'm sorry, but you and I are finished. It's over. Just move on already."

"But I really, really miss you! _Why_ is it over between us?"

"Because you're bossy and controlling!"

"No! That's not me!" Gohan said. "You're confusing with my mom, I swear!"

"Yeah, Gohan is probably the least bossy person I know," Erasa said.

"He's a total pushover!" Sharpener said. "He can barely make decisions by himself!"

"Maybe he's like that normally, but he tried to control our superhero life!" Videl said. "He forced me to dress up in his stupid costume and do his stupid poses and call myself Stupid Saiyaman 2!"

"She has a point," Erasa said. "You do make kind of a stupid superhero, Gohan."

"No way!" Gohan said. "Saiyaman is cool, right?"

"No," Erasa said.

"No," Videl said.

"Not a chance," Sharpener said.

Gohan hung his head low. "Aw, gee, Videl, I thought you liked to do Saiyaman stuff. You never complained about it before."

"Yeah, well, I put up with it for _your_ sake," Videl said.

"Because she loves you!" Erasa supplied.

"No, because I didn't want to hurt his feelings!"

"Because you love him!" Erasa insisted. "Remember how you cut your hair for him?"

"What?" Gohan asked. "You did that for _me?_ I thought you just wanted to prepare for the tournament!"

"Yeah, well..." Videl blushed slightly. "You said you like short hair on girls, and I..."

"Had a major crush on you," Erasa supplied.

"Quit finishing my sentences, Erasa!" Videl snapped.

"Wow...I didn't realize you cared that much about me," Gohan said.

"Yeah, well, that was a long time ago!" Videl said. "It doesn't matter any more, and—"

"I'd cut my hair for you, Videl," Gohan said. "I'd shave my entire head to get you back."

"Gohan, that's plan #28!" Sharpener said. "We're doing plan #20 now!"

"Well, that's nice of you, Gohan, but—"

"You don't get it, Videl! I'd do almost anything for you! Even give up being Saiyaman!"

"!"

"That's what you want me to do, isn't it?" Gohan asked. "That's what started this whole mess! Fine! I'll do it! I'll stop being Saiyaman!"

"You'd _do_ that?" Videl asked.

"Of course!" Gohan said. "Besides, I can't enjoy being a superhero all alone! There's no point in saving the town if I can't do it with you."

"Oh my God, Gohan, that is the cheesiest line I have ever heard," Sharpener complained.

"That's all I ever wanted!" Videl said, giving Gohan a giant hug. "I really, _really _hate the Saiyaman stuff!"

"Then Saiyaman flies no more!" Gohan said. "Now, _please_ can you be my girlfriend again?"

"Of course I'm your girlfriend again, you big goof!"

"All RIGHT! YEAH! WOO HOO!" Gohan shouted, jumping for joy.

"Come on, let's go home," Videl said. She grabbed Gohan's hand, and the two of them flew off into the sky.

"Aw...it worked! We got them back together!" Erasa said. "We're the best match makers ever!"

"I still want to see Gohan shave his head, though," Sharpener complained.

**The End**


End file.
